


A Paralyzing Emotion

by thatnerdemryn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Discrimination Against Downworlders, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Madzie, Kidnapping, Loss of Control, M/M, Shadowhunters Are Assholes, Sorry Not Sorry, badass magnus, dark magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24563398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemryn/pseuds/thatnerdemryn
Summary: “We can’t risk it.” Alec’s words came out like a plea but Magnus couldn’t find it in himself to feel sympathy. Magic lit from the palms of his hands, blue and sizzling as he shoved Alec aside with a flick of his wrist.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 19
Kudos: 154





	A Paralyzing Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> “Anger... it's a paralyzing emotion. People sort of think it's an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling. I don't think it's any of that — it's helpless, it's absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers... and anger doesn't provide any of that. I have no use for it whatsoever." _― Toni Morrison_

“Wait for backup as long as you want, Alec, but I’m not risking it. There’s a chance that she’s in there and he  _ has _ her!” Magnus felt his eyes flash, his control slowly slipping with each passing second as his passive shadowhunter stood in front of the door. 

“Going in without backup could be a suicide mission, Magnus! You have no idea who or what he could be working with!” Alec shouted back, finally moving his hands from their soldier-like grip behind his back. “We can’t risk it.” Alec’s words came out like a plea but Magnus couldn’t find it in himself to feel sympathy. Magic lit from the palms of his hands, blue and sizzling as he shoved Alec aside with a flick of his wrist. 

He didn’t give himself time to think as he blasted through the iron doors, shattered metal ricocheting off of every wall, and hitting his magic like a shield. It burned to ash before it even hit the floor. Magnus powered through hallway after hallway of the old hospital building, racing down the stairs as he heard a sharp wail. 

“No!” The voice shrieked, so much horror and sadness in the sound, it had Magnus’ heart racing and his magic incinerating the final barrier between him and his goddaughter. His magic shot out before he could stop it, not that he would have even tried, and wrapped around the wrist that was threatening to hurt Madzie. 

“Don’t make another move,” Magnus threatened, his voice low, a grumble from his chest like a lion warning off another. He heard the wrist snap and the sound of metal clanging to the ground. The cries that echoed through the open room were like music to his ears as the shadowhunter dropped to his knees in pain. 

“Help me,” Madzie begged, her beautiful brown eyes camouflaged by a raggedy blindfold. With one palm, he held the shadowhunter in place with a stream of angry red magic, and with the other, he untied Madzie and checked her for injury, his eyes never leaving the man on the floor. “Magnus, please don’t—“ He shot her a deadly glare, nodding his head at the door before she could finish. 

“Alec’s outside waiting for his team. Go, Madzie.” When she hesitated, her hand over her bleeding gills, Magnus’ eyes flashed again. “Now!” He ordered, his magic subconsciously tightening its grip around the shadowhunter’s neck. Madzie sprinted through the door and up the stairs and once she was safely out of sight, Magnus turned back toward the shadowhunter, fire in his eyes. 

“What do you have to say for yourself, shadowhunter?” Magnus asked, letting up on his magic only enough for the man to talk. It was a mistake, as Magnus knew it would be, once the shadowhunter started speaking. 

“Gills would have been the perfect addition to my collection,” he sneered, grasping for the knife at Magnus’ feet. Magnus kicked it out of his reach before slamming his heel down onto the man’s fingers. The satisfying crunch that resounded should have had guilt flooding through Magnus’ body but all he could feel was power. 

“She’s just a  _ child _ !” Magnus exclaimed, tossing the shadowhunter against the wall and holding him there with only his magic. He was scratching at the magic, begging to be freed, but Magnus felt nothing, his pure rage drowning out the struggle. “I’ve fought so many like you, those who underestimate the power, the strength, of a warlock. At least those Nephilim had the guts to seek a fair fight.” 

Magnus watched as the shadowhunter’s breathing slowed, felt the heartbeat in his chest grow softer and softer with each passing second, and it served him right. Magnus felt no sympathy for his kind, the people that tortured and enslaved his family, his friends. Even so, Magnus let the man’s feet hit the ground and reigned his magic back in as best as he could. The shadowhunter gasped for air, clawing at the ground and coughing with each intake of breath. He looked up at Magnus like he was scum at the bottom of the sea and stood slowly, menacingly.

“There’s no such thing as a fair fight with your  _ kind _ , warlock,” he spat the name so full of disgust, Magnus held back a flinch. “She’s not a child, she’s a demon, an abomination, a— a monster!” He screamed as he charged at Magnus, a new seraph blade in hand. Magnus crossed his wrists to stop the knife from plunging into his chest and when he slashed them down, the shadowhunter flew into the wall again, cracking the cement at the impact. 

“You’re the only monster I see here. You kidnapped a  _ child _ from her family, held a blade to her throat, and for what? For a trophy to hang on your wall?” Magnus lost whatever semblance of control he had left and raised his palms in front of him, firing a thick stream of magic into the shadowhunter’s stomach. His screams of pain and fear filled the room and the sound made Magnus smile, something dark and unrecognizable. 

“You’re killing me!” The shadowhunter screamed, reaching for nothing as Magnus burned him from the inside out. 

“And why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I rid the world of one more Nephilim out to destroy the peace my kind is trying to create?” Magnus asked, not caring for his answer as he pushed his magic forward further, standing face to face with the shadowhunter. He wanted to see his pain, see his regret, watch his life flash before his cold, broken eyes. 

“The Accords…” He said weakly. Magnus huffed out a dark laugh, tossing his head back in almost sheer delight. The shadowhunter stopped fighting, his arms hanging to the side, his feet dangling pathetically a few inches from the floor. Magnus wanted him weaker, wanted him to suffer the way Magnus had suffered, the way Madzie had suffered. 

“What’s the Clave going to do, huh? They’ll throw you in a comfortable prison cell, chastise you for further slandering their reputation. You’ll live out the rest of your life in Alicante, never truly paying for what you did. And that girl?” He used one hand to gesture frantically toward the door Madzie has stumbled through. “That girl will never trust another Nephilim like you. She’ll live the rest of her life with nightmares of a seraph blade and flinch every time she sees a rune. Does that sound fair to you?” Magnus yelled, even more power rushing through him the more strength the shadowhunter lost. 

“Magnus.” He knew that voice anywhere. The voice that pulled him back into reality, that grounded him when he needed it and calmed him when he no one else could. His shadowhunter, his Nephilim. He glanced at the door, his glamour bright and full of rage as Alec approached him. Alec stepped forward, hands raised in surrender as his eyes darted between Magnus and the pinned shadowhunter. 

“Leave, Alexander, this has nothing to do with you!” Magnus practically sobbed, barely noticing the tears that had started cascading down his cheeks. His magic was depleting with each passing second and he knew it was because of Alec. Alec would stop him, that shadowhunter of his that changed Magnus’ mind so many times, that showed Magnus what a Nephilim could be. He needed Alec to leave so that he could forget all of that and make the struggling shadowhunter in his grasp pay for what he did to Madzie. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Magnus. ‘Protect you above all else’, right?” He said softly, gaining a few more feet while he spoke. “I can’t let you do this or I’m going against all of our vows, okay? I need you to reign it back in, honey, please.” The last word was a broken whisper that Magnus felt throughout his entire body and in his heart and soul. He dropped his hands, his magic dissipating slowly until he crumpled to the ground. 

“Help,” the shadowhunter pleaded, locking eyes with Alec. Magnus watched through his clouded vision as Alec knelt down and drew a messy iratze before pushing him into his stomach to bind his wrists behind his back. Magnus’ sobs overtook him as he witnessed the damage he had done. He pushed back on his hands and feet to try and escape, fear surging through his body. Alec wouldn’t let that happen, surging forward to pull Magnus into his arms, holding him tightly in his grasp. 

“I’ve got you, Magnus. You’re okay, Madzie’s okay,  _ he’s _ okay,” Alec whispered, pressing gentle, comforting kisses to Magnus’ head and rocking them back and forth. Magnus gripped at Alec’s arms, knowing he would be unable to fight his grasp, and melted into him, his body shaking from his sobs. He didn’t understand how Alec could touch him, could hold him so delicately, after what he said, had thought. 

“I was gonna kill him. I was—“ Alec shushed him with a firm shake of his head from where it was nestled into the crook of his shoulder and squeezed Magnus’ waist tighter. 

“You didn’t. It’s okay, Magnus, it’s okay.” Alec repeated the words like a mantra and Magnus couldn’t be sure they were entirely for his benefit. Magnus has never felt hatred like what he felt rushing through him when he had a Nephilim, just like his husband — no, not like Alexander, never like Alexander — gasping for air and holding onto life with everything he had in him. Madzie was his family and he knew he couldn’t stand for anyone targeting his family, but everything inside of him was telling him to end a life, to obliterate the danger lurking over him and his  _ family.  _

“Monster. Abomination.” Magnus didn’t realize he said the words out loud until Alec pulled him further into his lap and turned his face to hold his chin in his hands. The gentleness of the touch had Magnus gasping for air and he shut his eyes to avoid the inevitable look of disgust in Alec’s eyes. 

“Beautiful. Kind. Formidable.” Alec chanted, kissing the fallen tears off of Magnus’ cheeks. “My  _ husband _ .” Alec finished, connecting their lips in a deep kiss that Magnus had no choice but to focus on. He needed the distraction and Alec just knew exactly what would calm his mind. He pulled Magnus’ lip into his mouth, sucking softly and slowly as he pulled away, his forehead resting against Magnus’ as Alec’s backup arrived. Magnus couldn’t focus on the bustle around them, opting instead to gaze into his husband’s eyes, where all he could see was hope and love. Even after everything, Magnus didn’t see a single drop of regret. 

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't really know what this was, but the idea came to me in bed and the first draft was riddled with errors and I wasn't even going to fix it. But I loved the idea too much. So I hope you did, too!
> 
> If you enjoyed, please feel free to follow me on [Tumblr](https://archeryandeyeliner.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/thatnerdemilyj/).
> 
> If your looking to scream about Malec and don't know where to go, come join a super fun [Discord](https://discord.gg/8Q8yBVg)!
> 
> Kudos make me smile and comments make me weep, so please leave them!


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